Okay, so today's blog was written by what we'll call a guest author. It was written back in June of last year by Jamie Dunphy. Since I like things that are awesome as well as sharing said awesome things, I thought I would present this for your enjoyment.
What makes this blog more fitting is the release of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull this coming May.
So enjoy it . . . or I'll find you.
I know it may be sacralige, but...
(Conversation that took place almost 27 years ago)
Movie writer: Ok, I have an idea for a movie. Now hear me out. You take a rugged good looking man with a PHD in archeology...ok, ok...and he teaches at a college. But the US goverment comes to him and says that because of his specific expertise in archeology, he is the only person who can save America. Now, a very bad situation has arisen. The...um..the NAZI's have gotten very close to finding the Ark of the Covenant (arguably the most holy of missing idols to all people across the world. This will TOTALLY get the attention of all those Christ lovin' blue-blooded Americans!). So, even though the Nazi's have spent years looking for the Ark...the government thinks this doctor can find it in only two days. So he does. And...umm... he finds it, and it's in a big-ass pit deep down in the ground and, even though there is no light, or air or anything, it's full of snakes...POISONOUS snakes! Oooh! Oh, and the doctor hates snakes...so he has to try and deal with all these poisonous snakes. Anyway, this archeologist barges into a big ol' pit, and just knocks unimportant shit out of the way and grabs this ark thingy, but of course, the evil NAZI's see that he has found it, and they steal it...oooh. Then they lock him in forever. But the doctor breaks out in a matter of two minutes. He knocks down a big ass wall with a statue of a screaming wolf thing, and I'm thinking that for some reason there could be a bunch of dead people who scream and shriek and such. Just for effect...you know. Then they just move a teeny tiny block out of the way and they're free. Then they steal back the ark, then the Nazi's steal it back again. And then he rides on the outside of a submarine that never goes under the water. Then he suddenly has a bazooka. Then he just doesn't use the bazooka. And the Nazi's take the ark from the top secret, very nice and modern looking base, and march it up a scary ol' mountain to a big platform where some dude starts chanting and opens the ark, and the ark kills everyone, but the doctor knows not to look, and it doesn't kill him because he didn't look.
Movie Producer: Yes. YES! Here is a large pile of money in a burlap bag with a big dollar sign on it.
The final result: Raiders of the Lost Ark is a stupid movie. The end.
- Jamie Dunphy
So there you have it. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I did.
- The Bean
1 comment:
i actually think that's a great idea for a movie. Maybe it's the "christ-lovin'" in me but I actually think that could work. Let me know when I can go pay 10 dollars to see it in the movie theatre. I bet there's more burlap bags full of money where there's a sequel....just a thought....
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