Tuesday, June 23, 2009

To Be Young Again

I'm sure you all remember the oh-so-clever 'riddle' we used to ask each other as kids titled "Pete and Repeat."  If you're not clear on it, the comedy gold went something like this:

Pete and Repeat were in a boat.  Pete fell out.  Who was left?  

You would answer "Repeat" which was the correct answer but, because of the incredibly clever naming of the characters, your 'friend' would intentionally misunderstand and the game would go on and on.  And you'd laugh and laugh and then go eat bugs or sour patch kids or whatever you did as a kid.  Maybe play with your pogs or slap bracelets (as you cleverly put one over your eyes so you looked like that blind guy from Star Trek.  You know the one.  The guy from Reading Rainbow?  Yeah, him.).

The thing I always wondered is why were we so concerned about the guy still in the boat?  Pete's fucking drowning and we're worried about who's already safe?  Where are our priorities people?  More to the point, what kind of assbag friend must Repeat have been to just let his buddy flail around in murky, crocodile-infested waters? (I'm assuming the worst)  I'll bet you to add insult to injury, he used his name to shirk any real responsibility for the situation.  While Pete was fighting for his life, Repeat probably continually shouted "Are you okay?" and would then giddily wait for Pete to shout his name back before repeating the same question a dozen times until poor Pete lost his battle with buoyancy (and those damn crocodiles).  All the while Repeat was probably giggling to himself.  

Between his father, Saywhat, and his mother, Comeagain, they probably had a blast at the deposition.

I hate that entire family.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Huzzah for Bragging

So in the past year or so, every once in a while I've submitted a little one or two line joke to the College Humor website.  They have an article called "105%" where each week they pick what they think are the best submissions and post them for all the world (or the few hundred or so people that frequent their site) to see.  You don't get anything for being picked other than whatever satisfaction you feel comes with it.  For me, it's a lot.  So here's all the stuff I've submitted that has made it, in no particular order.

- They say knowledge is power, but what if you know you're a pussy?
- They say chicks dig scars, but try telling that to the last six women I've stabbed.
- Every camera is disposable if you're apathetic enough.
- Life must suck for people legitimately selling tickets to gun shows.
- Words to Live By:
     Neighbor
     Street
     Cul-de-sac
     Other houses
- I dropped acid for the first time last week.  It wouldn't have been so bad had it not been on my lab partner's foot, and had I not been so high on mushrooms.

I think that's all of them.  Some are more inspired than others, and most are inappropriate because, hey, that's what makes me laugh.  I'll just keep plugging away because every little bit of self esteem helps.