Facing the Va-Giants

So I just finished watching one of the biggest cinematic dumps in history titled "Facing the Giants." First of all, no, it's not about giants. There are no giants or other people of abnormal size in or around this movie, so don't bother. Although, one of the actors in the movie was pretty fat. Maybe in the high seven hundreds or so. But he wasn't what I would consider a "giant." More like a really pudgy blanket.

If you've never seen it, please allow me to spoil it for you so that you may never have to see it. It took me three agonizing half hour installments in order to watch it, so I think it's only fair to spare you that hour and a half of your life. It's basically about a very whiny, balding man. He cries about everything and he mopes about and he wonders why life sucks. He's the crappy coach of a crappy football team. He whines because his football team sucks, he whines because he can't get his wife pregnant, and sometimes he whines because he whines.

Then he asks for God's help. Yeah, I know. That's what I said. The movie is basically a Bible ad surrounded by a formulaic football movie. He asks for God's help (who didn't make an appearance the ENTIRE movie) and, go figure, his team wins. But here's something I was thinking about for the whole movie. Whether you believe in God or not, this guy is still a whiny douchebag. And I think that's the underlying plot point that you, as the viewer, are supposed to take away from the movie.

So the movie is actually about metaphorical giants. Big stupid metaphorical giants. Also, the team they play at the end is named "the Giants" just in case you didn't follow the metaphor.

Anyway, there's no real message here. Just don't see the movie. It's painful.

- The Bean