A Hypothetical

Let's say you own an ipod shuffle.  Let's also say that you've got a hoodie with a very saggy front pocket.  Now let's imagine you're in an airport, sitting across from numerous people.  Let's say you decide to listen to your ipod shuffle and therefore place it in your front pocket for convenience sake.  Now, let's say you're listening to a song that you don't wish to be listening to any more.  What if, because you assume it will be more effective, you try to locate the "forward" button on your ipod shuffle through the outside of your saggy pocket using your index finger?  How might that go?  What might that look like?

I'll tell you what it looks like.  It looks like you're rubbing your crotch as though you were petting a new born baby duck.  And evidently that looks weird.  At least that's my assumption based on the looks I was getting.  Why it took me longer than five seconds to realize this, I'll never know.

...Also, don't stick your tongue out to the side at any point.  

...Hypothetically speaking of course.  

- The Bean

The City is Angry Today

My face is all puffy.  Initially I thought that maybe I was allergic to handsome, but if that were the case, my body would have exploded a long time ago.  I'm hoping it's because I'm sick and not because I'm pregnant, which I thought I took care of months ago.  Everyone at school has been getting sick for a while now and I've only just finally given in and become sick myself.  My thinking is that it's due to my incredibly strong and efficient immune system.  Seriously, my immune system is so strong that I think sometimes it's capable of physically lifting objects.  "How is that possible?" you might ask.  To that I would respond with "Shut up and let me dream."  

On another note, it rained the tiniest bit today in the city of Los Angeles.  It wasn't even bad and wasn't really even noticeable to me.  In Portland, it's what we would call "shorts weather."  However, this not being Portland, the city as a whole had an entirely different opinion.  As I was walking home from school, the general public was in misery.  They seriously looked like something out of a post-apocalyptic movie.  People were stumbling around confused and horrified.  It would have been kind of amusing if it hadn't been so scary.  There was an old man shouting at security outside a Borders bookstore, people were more pushy on the sidewalk than they normally are, and there were people in cars wanting to physically assault each other at a stoplight near my home.  It's sad when the smallest, simplest thing can make people seem so ugly.

Oh, and on a lighter note, if you're ever wondering how it might be possible to make your existence a little more bad ass, do the following:  get yourself some business cards!  Holy shit, if you don't already have one, GET ONE.  I don't even care what you do for a living because you can make that little rectangle of paper say whatever you want it to!  For example, I'm still in film school and have officially accomplished nothing in my professional life.  However, my new business card still says my name and underneath that it says "Screenwriter."  How incredibly awesome is that?  I mean, it's pretty cool if the place that you work for gives you some business cards with your name on it, but it's a completely different level when you get to choose what goes on there yourself.  I think I'm going to have several made up just in case I run into a scenario where I need people to know that I'm a "Professional Clown Puncher" or a "Human Push-up Machine."  Regardless of what you put on there, I think you should get some.  And then I think you should give one to me because, honestly, I'm all about networking.

- The Bean

My Life is Complete

So I was coming back from lunch with Russ when we saw it.  I think I may have even peed a little bit.  That's how excited I was.  Ever since I was a kid, if there was one vehicle from a major motion picture that I absolutely needed to see close up, it was this:

Russ saw it a few car lengths ahead, so we sped up to try to get a closer look to see if our eyes deceived us. But it was real. Probably just some super fan of the movie that tricked out his car, but it looked so fucking cool you can't even believe it. We pulled up behind it, then we pulled up along side of it, and then we got in front of it. Here's what I saw in the rearview mirror:

How frickin' badass is that!?  I wanted to scream like a little girl.  Honestly people.  As far as I'm concerned, this is as good as it gets.

Also, for those of you that maybe assumed/hoped I was dead, I'm still alive and kicking.  Film school has been pretty non-stop and today was the first day I've actually had free, so I thought I'd try to fill you in.

So for starters, here is where I go to school:

It's called the Los Angeles Film School and it's located on Sunset Blvd (which is Hollywood terminology for "Boulevard."  Actually, it's just English terminology, but whatever.)  Before 1999, the building was an RCA recording studio for a long time.  Artists like Elvis, the Monkees, The Rolling Stones, John Williams, Eartha Kitt (the OG Catwoman), Jefferson Airplane, and others recorded there.  So it's got a pretty neat history.

Anyway, basically each month at the school we have two completely intense classes.  This first month was Film Theory (both a lecture and a lab) and Behavioral Science (or psychology if I'm not trying to dress it up).  There is a TON of hands on experience in the lab, which is the best part in my opinion.  We've learned how to operate a pretty simple camera, we've learned the basic 3-point lighting, we've learned how to line a script and how to set up coverage.  There's so much stuff!  It's awesome.

So far, we've had three filming assignments.  If I wasn't embarrassed by them (mostly because I appear in them), I'd totally post them up.  The first was a project titled "Lost & Found."  It had to be a single shot (no editing) about someone that loses something and then finds it again.  Also it had to be between 30 seconds to a minute.  It was basically to teach us how to tell a really basic story.  The second assignment was a group project titled "Painting" where we had to pick a painting with people in it and basically recreate it with a ten second static shot.  The goal was to recreate the lighting and get as close to the original painting as we could.  To give you an idea of how difficult this project was, for our final ten second shot, it took us a good four hours to get the lighting right.  I have a whole new respect for the gaffer at the end of the movie now.  The third project was titled "Working" and was all about subtext.  Again, it was a single, continuous shot.  We had to select a monologue from a book called "Working" by a dude named Studs Terkel (greatest. name. ever.) and then turn that monologue (about that person's specific job) into a dialogue that had a deeper meaning for the protagonist.  It was pretty tough, but good experience.  

So that's that.  Our first set of classes is now over, which explains this freed up weekend I've got.  But, again, in case you were concerned over my well being, I'm better than I've ever been.  I'm having a great time and finally understanding what it can be like when you actually enjoy school.

I'll try to be funny next time I post, but I just wanted to give a quick update.  Hope you all are doing well!

- The Bean