Diane Keaton's Vagina

Okay, here we go. If any of you were immediately offended by the title of this particular blog, you can thank my friend and former roommate Jamie for that bile taste currently in the back of your throat.

He suggested that I talk about what Diane Keaton's lady parts would "taste like after they've been soaking in a hot tub filled with apple juice all day." Wow. He paints quite the picture with words, doesn't he folks? I contend that her womanly bits would most likely taste like said apple juice, and nothing more.

Have any of you ever heard of a grapple? And I don't mean like wrestling. I'm talking about the fruit. It's basically an apple that's been injected or infused or something crazy like that with grape flavor (natural grape flavor i would assume). I've never had one, but crazy scientific combinations always pique my interest. Like pluots, or clamato, or . . . peanut belly (It's my combination attempt for peanut butter and jelly. I didn't have any other items to list, leave it alone.)

I was interested in trying the grapple in the first four minutes or so after I heard about it. Then, my logical thought process led me in this direction:
"Grapple? What the hell is that? . . . . Well, it sounds like a combination of things. Maybe a grape and an apple. God I'm smart. I wonder what that would even taste like. Man, I'm hungry. . . but I'm also kind of fat. So maybe I shouldn't be thinking about food right now. I should do some situps. . . But I'm so fucking hungry . . . . hehehe . . . sofa king hungry . . . funny. (three minutes later) . . . It looks like an apple but tastes like grapes? Why wouldn't I just eat grapes then? What a dumb fucking invention."

And that's where I would land on it. Oh wow, an apple that tastes like grapes! You know what else tastes like grapes? Fucking grapes! And they're cheaper too. I don't think that the design of the grape is particularly flawed really. They're not cumbersome or unwieldy. They're grapes for Christ's sake. If you can't get a handle on a couple of grapes, then my bet is that you can't grab on to an apple real well either. So maybe just stick to picking and eating your scabs. And stay away from Diane Keaton's vagina if at all possible.

I'm only trying to help.

- The Bean