The Strangest Things I Have Ever Eaten

Okay, so after all the shit talk that came about based on the last two blogs, I feel the need to bring myself down a peg to two.  Certainly I talk a lot of shit whenever there's any type of food that I find to be gross.  However, I'm not exactly innocent when it comes to indulging my own strange cravings.

So here then is a top six list of all the strange foods that I have eaten over the years.  I was gonna go with a top ten list, but I happen to think they're totally overrated . . . Also, I couldn't come up with ten things.  So suck it.

6.  Whey protein powder - (but not by itself.  mixed with a fruit smoothie)  I don't happen to think this one is too weird as it is vanilla flavored and smells like cake batter.  However, this isn't something that normal people do, so I felt it necessary to include.

5.  Milk and pizza - Not mixed together weirdo.  I would have a glass of milk to accompany any type of pizza.  Awesome.  I used to do this regularly.  Sue me.

4.  Part of a blended muffin  - (In my own defense, this was actually Jamie's idea)  We blended a blueberry muffin with a little bit of milk (I think).  This shit sat so heavy in my stomach, that I actually think I pooped  a little during my first sip.  It's debatable though.

3. Lucky Charms with Mountain Dew instead of milk - Freshman year of college.  It was early in the morning and the combination of my laziness coupled with my MacGuyver-like ingenuity gave birth to a horrible horrible breakfast experience.  I thought it would be passable.  I was wrong.  Don't do it.

2.  A glass filled with the following items: Mt. Dew, mashed potatoes, gravy, an orange creamsicle, milk, brownie, and some salt and pepper to taste - To answer your question, yes, it was on a bet.  And to answer your second question, yes, the bet was my idea.  Don't judge me.

1.  A grilled cheese sandwich dipped in ketchup - Come on, I had to throw that in there.  Just to prove a point.  All of the other things on this list I ate willingly.  With that crap sandwich, I was resistant up to and including the point when I took the first bite.  So there's that.  

Cheese + ketchup = cheese and ketchup flavored vomit.  

- The Bean

Traitors

Okay fine.  I lost.  big deal.  To the three people that unknowingly supported my utter disgust in the whole grilled cheese/ketchup debate (Kristy, Lindsay, Dani).  You guys rule.

As for the rest of you (save for Russ who apparently likes to put his sandwiches inside of people), I thought I knew you.  I thought you were my friends.  And I'm not mad at you because you didn't agree with me.  I intentionally made it unclear as to which side I was supporting.  I'm just disappointed that the lot of you would chose to do something so absolutely horrifying to ruin a perfectly good sandwich.  

Hey, I've got an idea for all you sick asses that like cheese and ketchup.  Why don't we take some string cheese, put it inside a hot dog bun, and then slather that with ketchup?  You people sicken me.

Okay okay, I take it back.  I'm speaking out of frustration and anger that I lost this bet which I was so absolutely sure about.  I can't stay mad at you people.  Okay so who wants to cuddle?

I suppose losing the bet isn't ALL bad.  Fortunately I suck at making wagers, so I'm pretty positive that no tangible thing was even being bet.  Therefore, I didn't really lose anything.  We'll just call this one a test run.  But next time . . . . next time people when I give you a choice between two things, please do your best to chose the one that isn't gross and doesn't inexplicably taste like fish sticks.

You all are sick.

-  The Bean

Settle a Bet

I'm going to pose a simple question to all of you.  I'd like you to respond in the form of a comment.  And I'd like you to be completely honest.  There's a lot at stake here.  So here it is:

Have you, at any point in your entire life, ever made a grilled cheese sandwich, dipped it in ketchup, eaten it, and actually enjoyed it?  In other words, have you ever willfully dipped a grilled cheese sandwich in ketchup?

Just leave a comment.  Best of the first 11 responses wins.  Thanks for your time.

- The Bean

A New X-Games Sport?

So I was perusing my spam emails the other day and amidst the ones titled "Enlarge your member" or "Naked teens wet hot meat cam" I saw one that caught me off guard.  You get so many about all the same shit, so they're usually pretty easy to overlook.  But one of them in particular took me by surprise.  It was only three words.  But it was the most horrifying combination of any three words that I had ever seen.  So much so that I couldn't even bring myself to click on it.  It said:

"Extreme cat rape"

WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK IS "EXTREME CAT RAPE?"  I can't even begin to fathom.  Here's the thing that got me the most.  I think it would have been completely sufficient to just write "cat rape" and call it a day.  Cat rape itself seems 'extreme' enough for most people, don't you think?  Who out there, after hearing about or even witnessing the rape of a cat, would be like "You know, that was pretty decent cat rape, but is there anything you could do to make it more extreme?"

Why would you need to state that it's extreme?  Why!?  Did they do some marketing research and find that people just weren't clicking enough on "Cat rape?"  So they thought "You know what I bet it is?  I bet that the majority of people out there feel like forced sex with a cat just isn't enough.  Let's make it more  brutal.  More extreme if you will."  That's the only explanation.

And if you happen to be one of those people that feel the word "extreme" should ever precede the words "cat rape" then maybe you and I shouldn't talk again.  Ever.  About anything.  Sick bitch.

- The Bean