Make A Stupid Statement, Alaska Stupid Question

Not long ago I worked in a customer service type environment, and as such, I dealt with a wide variety of people. The thing that I came to realize about people as a whole is that they are generally stupid and for the most part helpless. However, no one group of people, in my experience, has been as helpless as those lovely people from Alaska.

Never in all my time on this planet have I encountered a group of people that were more willing to use their geographic location as a crutch for their lack of knowledge and performing simple tasks. Now, don't get me wrong, I know a few people from Alaska, and they all seem to be pretty clever people. For example, I've got a buddy from college that thinks of all kinds of different inventions. His first was something he called razor paper which he was convinced was the most brilliant idea in the world. It was paper that had a razor sharp edge and you could use it to cut . . . stuff. Another invention that he was extraordinarily proud of was something he dubbed 'hissors,' which from as near as I can tell were to be heated scissors for cutting things that were . . . cold, I suppose. Hey, I never said these were brilliant inventions. I just said they were clever. He's a creative dude. But Im getting off track.

The point I'm trying to make is that, on numerous occasions, people from Alaska have used that little factoid as an excuse for laziness and sometimes incompetence. For example, a few months back a woman came into the museum to have a look around. She wandered to the back of the front desk (the opposite side of where all the important information is printed) and got my attention.

"Excuse me, but could you explain what there is here for me to do? I'm from Alaska."

What the fuck? She didn't need to throw in that last little bit. If you've never been to the museum, just ask me what there is to do, or approach the front of the desk where there are signs with information and prices on them. There was absolutely no need to qualify the first part by adding where she was from. Look, ma'am, I understand that you're not used to seeing our running water and fancy blinking lights, but why volunteer that information to me? Did she mention it so that I might take pity on her and talk slower or start explaining modern technology to her? Of course, I didn't actually say any of this to her. I simply did what any other excellent customer service representative would do. I pawned her off to someone on our staff that I knew was from Alaska.

"Oh, you're from Alaska!? So's she! You guys should hang out! "

And then like a phantom I disappear.

On another occasion a few weeks ago, this woman and her family came up to the membership window to say they were late for a Planetarium show. The show had already started and they KNEW they were already 10 minutes late. We don't let people in late for the shows. So they approach the window:

"Uh, yeah, we missed our Planetarium show and we need to get in to see it. We have a movie to go see after it (an OMNIMAX movie that we also show where I work at the museum) and were from Alaska. "

Uh . . . what . . . . the . . . . hell? How is one supposed to take that? Shall I take pity on you, or are you telling me this info as though you're bragging about it and I should let you in so that, in the future, I can tell all my friends about the time that I let these late Alaskans into the Planetarium show. I'm just not sure of the response. We don't let people in late. Period. Where you're from has no bearing on the matter, and you're dumb for even thinking that it might. I mean, honestly, do things not start on time in Alaska? Are they unfamiliar with scheduling different events to begin at certain times, or with the fact that you can't open a locked door? It just boggles the mind.

What I really want to know is how often they fall back on that excuse, and more importantly, how often does it actually work? Shit, if I was from there, I'd abuse that fact all the time.

"What? You want me to pay for my meal? No no, its cool. I'm from Alaska."

"Look officer, I know I was doing 90 in a school zone and accidentally clipped the retarded little stop sign flag boy, but heres the thing: I'm from Alaska. So no worries."

"What? Why was I watching you shower through your bathroom window? Doy! I'm from Alaska!"

You get the picture. And, again, I don't have anything against the wonderful people from our 49^th state. I just find it quite funny that in numerous instances, people have used it as an excuse for so many things. It makes me laugh.

Anyway, I'm gonna put on my cheap gold jewelry and sell bags of oranges by the side of the highway. It's cool though. I'm from Mexico.